Friday, July 12, 2013

I found BASF in a Box of Rain

I remember as a teenager thinking about what I wanted to do, and it wasn't creating an entirely new product--it was making things better.

 BASF We make things better.

And, now, I am doing it AGAIN.  I went to college.  I travel.  I have a family and a home.  And, I am happy but I will be happier if I can help others do things better.  Hhhhmmmm, what does this mean?

Well, the first question is "do you want to do things better?"  I have found as I get older I can answer that question more effectively.  How many times have we gotten older and said, "I wish I would have known this then!!"?  Well, maybe part of life is learning those sharp little pieces of experiential wisdom.

I was just reviewing the Birkman report that my husband suggested I get several years ago and our wonderful and talented friend Ginny translated for me.  I have read it before but maybe it has taken a while to really understand it.  I need to be treated as an individual, I need time to consider and make decisions and I definitely need deadlines but I will be in your corner, treating you with respect and hearing you when you speak.  Over and over it says I need time, I need to be grown not shoved, not constrained but given markers.

Am I happy?  A very wonderful and good friend asked me this question a few nights ago.  I couldn't freely yell, "well, yes!  of course!!"  So I have been sitting on that question and in my "needing time" way trying to find a path to it.

And, yesterday I had a long conversation with one of my scholarship kids.  She is a real go-getter who is coming from not much concretely but is going to go a long way just based on her focus and attitude, not to mention smarts.  But, in talking with her it became apparent that she wants to become a lawyer (very clearly) and she thinks there are only divorce and bankruptcy attorneys.  Whoa!  I said, "what about Environmental Law, Research, Energy, International.....?"  She did not know about these options, but now she does and she is going to go learn about them.  How many people would benefit from knowing about a few more options or realizing they had done something like this already?

So, am I happy?  Yes!!  I have so many blessings and people and options it makes me afraid.  But, there is still me and the fact that I can make a difference.  That feeling is intoxicating.  And, doing it by creating a world that isn't real but will lead you back to a world that is--that's something I could do all day and not worry about the time.

I love my husband, and my children, and the life I live.  I love walking the dogs and buying milk and watching the lake and mountains.  I AM happy (even though it makes me afraid sometimes) and I can give people a way to try things out without having to make a commitment at that moment.  They can enlarge their experience, and who knows where that may lead?

I am taking an online game design course.  It is a lot of information but I am going to complete it.  And, in the meantime I want to leave you with a question:  WHY?  Why do you want to _________?  It's not an easy question to answer.  I posed it to myself and found some earth-shattering answers and some mundane answers.  I don't know which scare me most.

One example of the power of WHY

Why do you want to go to college?
Why are you in the job you are?
Why haven't you gone to the gym?
Why haven't you made that sales call?
Why are you sitting alone at your desk working, studying, daydreaming and not going out for a walk?

Answering the why question doesn't require any action.  It is a good first step.

Box of Rain (part of the lyrics from The Grateful Dead)

Look out of any window, any morning, any evening, any day.
Maybe the sun is shining, birds are singing,
No rain is falling from a heavy sky.
What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
For this is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago.

Walk out of any doorway, feel your way, feel your way like the day before.
Maybe you'll find direction,
Around some corner where it's been waiting to meet you.
What do you want me to do, to watch for you while you are sleeping?
The please don't be surprised when you find me dreaming too.

Look into any eyes you find by you, you can see clear to another day,
Maybe been seen before, through other eyes on other days while going home.
What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
It's all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago.

Walk into splintered sunlight,
Inch your way through dead dreams to another land.
Maybe you're tired and broken,
Your tongue is twisted with words half spoken and thoughts unclear

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