Applying what was learned

Oh boy, the kids are coming back from two months at camp.  Now I get to test what I learned.  And, observe how I change with this new dynamic, and how my relationship with my husband changes with this new dynamic.  I believe we call this "walking the walk."

It is easier to live alone because the only person you have to negotiate with is yourself; and sometimes that is enough.

Two people make it interesting, like a dance.  Lots of room for closeness, then popping away, trying new moves apart and together and even facing in opposite directions sometimes.

Three or more, and anything can happen.  Sometimes it looks choreographed so well that it takes one's breath away.  But then, one enterprising person might decide to try a new step which upsets the choreography, but in the long run elevates the entire group to an entirely new approach.  Or, there might just be general mayhem with everyone spinning in their own orbits.

In my case, these additional three are wonderful young people who are in the midst of learning to be adults while still very much being my children.  Messy, brilliant, frustrating, amazing, argumentative, loving and generally more than I ever will have expected.  They will never disappoint me, although it seems like that on a really bad day.  I hope I don't disappoint them.

I am going to jump ahead a couple of years, and make a future observation.  When I began my next "career" and work with people who I am not related to, helping them to solve problems in their organizations or companies, and to improve how they communicate, I think I might be bringing some valuable experience.

Here's to the end of camp, and the beginning of the next legs of our journeys!

Getting back to square one

Wow!  It's back-to-school time.  I feel like this is such a multi-layered statement this morning.

The world's financial markets, and everything connected, sound like they would all like to get back to some earlier point of stability.  Was it really a stable point?  Or was it just a strange innocence?  That one is way beyond what I would like to tackle this morning.

My personal world, at the moment, is all about tying up the loose ends and reviewing what I have planned for the fall.  I had dinner with some really interesting and lovely people last night; all parents.  We were considering a couple of big questions about education:  what do we need to teach our children and what sort of careers will they be moving toward?  Age-old questions, right?

I'm feeling that it is not about the specific areas of content, although it is good to know about history, to read classics, to be able to develop a solid paragraph.  It's about having a suitcase filled with tools, and knowing how to use them no matter what the situation.  And, figuring out what really feels important and interesting -- aka, identifying a passion.

I'm hoping that during this school year I can stay focused on this with my kids.  I'm also hoping that they can learn to use those tools and passions effectively when they move into the swirling waters of the bigger world!

Recently, I have decided to re-read Getting to Yes, to help me to not get caught in the details of the daily negotiations of life.  I'm feeling like sending a couple hundred copies to Congress.  In my fantasy world I go do a workshop about effective communication with those people!

Ok, it's time to take the dogs out and get into the day.  I'm headed in the direction of "square one."

Here Comes the Sun

I was watching the first dvd from the 25th Anniversary of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame concerts the other night, and heard Paul Simon sing "Here Comes the Sun".  He commented that this was written by a dear friend of his.  So, I did some investigation, and I think George Harrison wrote it.

Even if George didn't write it, I have now purchased his version of it on ITunes, along with several other songs I found while investigating.  Those guys at ITunes are very sneaky.  I'm looking for something specific and then I find myself bathed in wonderful music.  But, because most of the music that is purchased from ITunes in my house is on my computer, I also listen to Rihanna, Eminem and K'naan.  And, I have been to a Lady Gaga concert with my husband, not our kids.

So, what does this have to do with my blog?

I love connecting; with people, people with other people, ideas with people, solutions with problems.  I have been doing some written exercises about what I like, what I'm good at and why this is important.  A break away from everyday life, in a place I've wanted to spend time in, with no dogs or kids, and a daily hike is a GREAT time to do written work.  So now I have some written lists that in which I have highlighted words, analyzed and grouped similarities, and can maybe explain in less than my usual 20 minutes what direction I am taking.  I think this might be good.

I read Ellen Airgood's (author of South of Superior) blog and loved how she shares about her life.  I read Jonathan Fields' blog and felt some kindred observations.  I am hoping that I can write so it will be easy to read or you will leave the page feeling I have helped you to reframe a situation.

When I was young, and watching a lot of tv, I remember seeing an advertisement for BASF.  Their line was "we don't make things, we make them BETTER."  That struck me then, and it still strikes me.  I am a recycler and a reuser.  I want to help people do what they do MORE EFFICIENTLY or MORE EFFECTIVELY.  Or, I want them to realize the answers are right there among their people, if they could just tilt the focus a little.

So, I haven't learned anything new about myself by because I have experience my observations have more depth.  And, I am deeply grateful to be staying in a place built by people who appreciate the awesome natural beauty that surrounds it.  George's voice is fragile compared to Eminem's, but it is perfect to usher the sun into my day.  It makes me very happy.

I'm refueling, not raising my debt ceiling!

I took a hiatus and now after the end of the school year and some busy work I am back.  I have had a very productive hiatus, and am feeling restored.

Right at this very moment I am sitting in a cabin in Colorado, which has been a goal of mine for the past several years.  It is peaceful and exciting all in the same space.  I really needed a break from the heat and congestion of New York City.  In order to successfully live in a challenging place like New York City I have to leave, regularly.  I haven't done that over the past year and it exacted a toll.  Now, I feel like my fuel tank is getting refilled.

June and July were action-packed.  One daughter was in Comedy of Errors in a theater on the lower Eastside of NYC.  In the middle of that our 1998 Dodge minivan was stolen right from in front of our block in a very safe neighborhood.  One daughter was working on an IMovie about Lemurs.  Our son was tying up loose ends in order to spring free for his long-awaited summer.  Then the kids needed to get to camps in the "north countries" of New York and Vermont.  Thank God for my wonderful father-in-law and all of his support!

In that short expanse of time I learned about being an owner of a stolen vehicle and an owner of a new "used" vehicle purchased from a dealership located in the outlying Bronx.  Even though I have a detective named Angel he has not miraculously found my stolen minivan.  Apparently, someone needed it more than us.

Our home is clean, neat and somewhat decluttered with the help of wonderful Teresa and amazing Dawn Falcone.  I've been to Yankees' games we lost and games we won.  I played my first 9 holes of golf.  We visited our happy children in their camps. 

Finally, we took a ferry to Block Island for a week with the dogs and real restoration began.  I have a tan, the dogs had a field all to themselves, and I reconnected with a friend from several years ago.  Sometimes it seems that nothing big changes on Block Island, and that is comforting because it is perfect just as it is.  I even walked around the Ancient Labyrinth asking myself what I am really seeking.  That must be how I ended up here in a cabin in Colorado.  Among the Aspen trees which sing in the wind, with the sound of a stream and train whistles in the background.  Alone, with my soul mate for a few more weeks.

I like refueling.

Passion

Passion has been a big topic in my life recently.  Not the passion that turns a PG movie into R, but rather the palpable energy that fuels so many dreams, plans and actions.  Personally, passion is the label I give to those things I do that seem to take no effort.  It erases fatigue, it makes how I perceive crisp and clear, it brings a bloom to my cheeks and a rush of energy to what I am doing.  It feels positive and heartening.  And, it is so difficult to translate to others, so they understand exactly what I am envisioning.  It is that energy and excitement that gets translated most of the time; and that is often nice enough.

My level of passion gets turned way up when I am doing something, and it looks successful.  I really love teaching and watching my student make the connection.  But, I really, really love it when they make the connections and their enthusiasm for what they are learning blossoms.  That has happened with my kids over the years; not with everything but with some things.  Recently, something happened that kind of made my heart break, if I can apply that to a learning situation.

During home schooling some things work and some things don't, but the positive thing is the opportunity to change the situation to try to make it better or more interesting.  Watching my kids express a love of learning has given me so much pleasure, even when they don't even realize they are doing it.  And, even when it's possible to tweak the situation sometimes the situation is just not working.  I get that.  But, over the last two years my high schooler has seemed to become disengaged from Science.  It never appeared that he was heading toward a career based in science, but now it seems like it's just a chore to get through.  When I realized this it was like a large, dull thud.

So, my question to myself "is it more important to have that spark in one or two areas, or is it more important to have spark, and apply it everything?"

Then, moving along to the rest of the world...
Passion can be kind of dangerous, too.  People who don't have a positive and loving base can really cause a lot of harm.  I'm listening to the news about Osama Bin Laden and Gaddafi.  Not long ago Charlie Sheen had the world's attention.  All of those lovely politicians in Washington have been sharing what they say they are so committed to.  All very passionate people who appear to believe they are involved with something life-changing and essential.  And, don't forget Greg Mortenson and his three cups of tea.

I digress.

I think I believe for learning that spark of passion must be in place for everything, and that sometimes it really helps kids, or adults, make a really deep connection.  And, it really makes me sad when whoever is at the helm isn't bringing that spark along.

Balance and beyond

Ok, Happy Easter to all of you who graciously read this blog.  It has been a wonderfully warm and sunny day.  My big lesson in balance today:  don't walk a lot in shoes you only wear a few times a year.  Ouch.

So, let's synthesize.  Being off balance and facing challenges for a while is good.  It makes me, in particular, grow and get stronger.  Being off balance and facing challenges all the time?  I don't think that is so good.  Recovery time, down time, and just being is really important to the whole cycle.  It's like taking sneakers along for the long walk after looking good in the fancy shoes.  No down time, no just being for a while, ouch.

Now beyond,
I have been trying to use some of the tools I found for The Toolbox Conference, and through reading that I have been doing.  This past week I haven't felt like I have been taking many small steps and although I seem to be spinning wheels I don't see that I am going many places metaphorically speaking.  So, when I look at a list of my passions I see:
observing peoples' behavior, then asking them questions and finding connections with my own experiences;
connecting people;
inventing experiences or activities and then making them happen;
designing games that encourage people to think outside of their boxes, and then to have transformation.

And, I have these passions because I believe I can help people feel more confident about what they do for a living.   I can help them feel special.
I believe people thirst for confirmation of their personal value.
I believe that this is essential to the success of a business, or school.
People need to balance a high level of self esteem and self regard with the importance of using their talents whole-heartedly.

Being a nice, decent person is part of my fabric.
I think that bullying is a damaging activity that can grow into actions that can hurt entire institutions.
There is a difference between being a tough but fair teacher or supervisor and being a bully.
People, whether peers, friends, coworkers or just people, have no right to bully others.  It hurts them, hurts the people they are bullying and ultimately hurts the larger group.

It works better for everyone if people are working toward improvement.  But the definition of improvement and progress has to evolve from what people really care about.  Sometimes that is in the context of a job, school or greater challenge.  Who says a janitor can't inspire an entire company or school?

Balance

Balance has been a continual topic in my personal life, and it seems, in the areas I am drawn to.

It is easier to wake up to find my expectations being met; no one likes to be startled awake to find that immediate action and response is necessary.  But, if things go too smoothly it gets boring and then some unexpected excitement which tips the boat is welcome.

I grew up in a small, orderly town and at a young age felt hemmed in.  I have always sought another leg on my journey.  I think I must have had ancestors who traveled.

Homeschooling has not been a balanced endeavor, but I truly believe it has forced me and my family to learn and look at learning in a different manner.  I think I rarely give my kids a learning situation where they are just told what to do all of the time.  I have recently craved a few days where they would mindlessly follow my directions, but alas, it is too late for that to happen.  They are thinkers for sure.  Not always good on the organization and follow-through on academic assignments but certainly engaged when it comes to situations they care about.  I wonder what Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison were like as students.  And, don't get me started on those Wright brothers.  However, I am trying to improve those organizational skills.

I've been thinking a lot about the continuum of bullying.  It starts in school, or even at home.  We hear lots about cases in schools and colleges.  Sometimes in the military.  What about when someone grows up and goes on to work in a company or institution like a hospital or university?  What happens when that person is responsible for other peoples' money, or lives?  Part of bullying is keeping others off-balance, right?

What about people who do a lot of good, but get off balance?  Today, while I was cooking dinner, my husband read in the newspaper that Greg Mortenson was being "investigated" on Sixty Minutes.  Big surprise for me!  I have read both of his books.  I have used the Pennies for Peace curriculum with my kids.  I think building schools for girls in Pakistan and Afghanistan are really important actions.

I listened to the report with my daughter.  I talked with her about what the report said.  I'm wondering what the ultimate truth is.  Have I ever heard of some person who committed their lives to doing something that seems to do so much good getting in over their heads?  Yes
Have I ever heard of projects that are described so vividly not really being as perfect as they were described?  Yes
If a tv reporter approached me, with a cameraman following him, asking if I would talk with him in the middle of a book signing, would I say "yes"?  Not if I'm smart.

What balance is not:  a sizable portion of the world's children not having opportunities for education.
What balance is not:  bullying.
What balance is not:  the status quo?

Would I grow and evolve if my life is always balanced?  To be continued...